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(Originally Published on October 11, 2020)
Hi All!
This week marks the 2-year anniversary of this newsletter! I hope you've gained at least two useful pieces of wisdom that you personally used in your life 🤭
A year ago, a good friend told me "I'd like to share your newsletter but it's weird to forward an email and tell somebody to email you. You should have a website where people can subscribe to."
So in honour of the 2-year anniversary, I've finally made a website for this newsletter!
I'm still working on uploading all the past newsletter onto the site, but you can check it out here: https://alexchen373.wixsite.com/weeklywisdom
Ok so, onto this week's newsletter. I recently listened to a conversation between Jay Shetty and John and Julie Gottman, and it was probably the best scientific relationship advice I've ever heard, and I've researched a lot of advice on this subject. It was so good that I wrote a whole blog post on it. In this newsletter, I'll just share five myths and truths about love and dating, all rooted in scientific research.
Myth 1: The two people need to be compatible in as many ways as possible.
Truth 1: It helps to have shared values and maybe goals, but that’s about it. People can be very different and still have wonderful relationships.
Myth 2: The two people have to be equal in level of attractiveness.
Truth 2: Most of sexual attraction has to do with pheromones, which are chemicals that you smell almost unconsciously. There’s a famous pheromones T-shirt study where women smelled the T-shirts of men and rated how much they liked that smell. The women ended up liking the smell of men whose immune systems are most different from theirs. Furthermore, when these women later met all those men, they indeed liked the men who’s T-shirts smelled better to them compared to the men whose T-shirts they didn’t like the smell of.
Myth 3: You have to have the same interests to like each other.
Truth 3: It’s about how you RELATE to each other’s interests. Regardless of what interests each person has, it’s important to enjoy each other’s company, be open-minded, be playful when relating to each other’s interests.
Myth 4: I should look for someone who's cool and plays hard-to-get.
Truth 4: Actually, someone who plays hard-to-get is a big red flag. If you are attracted to that, it might be because that's what you're familiar with from your caregivers. But know that it's not a good idea to seek that in a partner. If someone does not keep their word to you over and over again, end it. You don't deserve that.
Myth 5: If it's true love, I should feel a painful desire for that person.
Truth 5: If you think that, you've been misled by movies and pop music. What you should look for is a person with substance and character. Look at how they treat a waiter, a server, a sales clerk who is delayed or can’t meet their needs. Are they understanding, courteous, patient, kind? Or are they acting all superior and cutting them down? That’s a great way to know the nature of someone’s inner being.
If this topic really interests you, check out my blog post on it.
Hope you all have a great Thanksgiving and a wise week ahead!
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