.jpg)
During the time of the Buddha, there was a person named Upali. He was part of the servant class in India's hierarchical society, and he worked as a barber. One day, he was giving a haircut and a shave to a nobleman. This nobleman talked to him about the Buddha, and he became really interested. As a result, he lost concentration and accidentally ruined the nobleman's beard. The nobleman got very angry, so Upali quickly ran away.
Afterwards, Upali couldn't stop thinking about the Buddha, so he went to look for him. When he found the Buddha's community, he asked to become a monk and learn from the Buddha. The Buddha accepted his request.
Later, many kings heard about the Buddha, and they sent many of their noblemen to go become monks and learn from the Buddha. In the Buddha's community, when new monks enter, they have to go through a ritual where they bow down towards senior monks and express their wish for senior monks to guide them in the future. When these noblemen saw that Upali was a more senior monk, and that they have to bow down to their previous barber, they all became angry and unwilling.
The Buddha saw this situation and said, "It is not Upali who makes you angry, but rather your own ego." (The ego is arrogant and always wants to be better than others.)
These noblemen calmed down and reflected on themselves. They realized that Upali helped them see the root of their anger. With that realization, they let go of their ego and gratefully bowed down to Upali.
Image Source: Wix AI
Commentary
Buddhism explains that the root of anger (and suffering) is an attachment to "I" (the ego). When the ego doesn't get what it wants, it either becomes sad or angry. If we lack self-confidence, then we'll probably become sad. If we're arrogant, then we'll probably become angry.
The ego is kind of like an immature and emotional child. But we all have a rational and mature adult mind that can use logic to overcome the ego. For example, The mature adult mind can say to the ego, "Other people and outside circumstances cannot make me angry. I don't control the outside, but I most certainly can decide how I feel and how I respond to outside situations."
Buddhism teaches us to detach from the emotional child voice inside our heads. That voice is not us. When we bring out proper thoughts, improper thoughts will naturally fade away. When we dampen the ego, we dampen its negative effects, including anger, worry, sadness, and other negative or excessive emotions.
How do we dampen the ego? In the story, the noblemen were immediately able to see the ridiculousness and harmfulness of their ego, and they were able to let it go at that very moment. We can also try doing the same towards our thoughts. For example, if we see someone behaving improperly, and then we get angry at them, we might detect a thought arise in our mind: "What a rude person!"
This thought carries the emotions of anger and blame, which arises from the ego. The ego likes to control and demand others, and when others don't meet its expectations, it gets angry. When we notice that the ego is not worthy of our respect or admiration, that it is quite absurd for thinking that it is the king of the world, we can naturally let go of the ego. We can then bring out proper thoughts from our mature mind: "No one does wrong willingly. Perhaps they never learned proper behavior, or they are still in the process of improving themselves. I should focus on correcting my own faults, not focus on others' problems. In any case, getting angry never helps the situation."
As Liao Fan's Four Lessons says,
"When proper thoughts arise, improper thoughts will naturally be unable to pollute the mind."
Put in this context, when proper thoughts from the mature mind arise, improper thoughts from the ego will naturally back away.
Laozi mentioned another method to dampen the ego in the Treatise on Response and Retribution:
"View others' gains as my own gains. View others' loses as my own losses."
Similarly, Venerable Jing Kong taught us to "think of others with every thought." For example, if the noblemen put themselves in the shoes of Upali, they might realize that Upali would feel scared that these noblemen are angry at him. No one likes to feel scared, so they shouldn't make Upali scared. If they view Upali's fear as their own fear, they naturally wouldn't get angry at him. When we think about benefiting others, we naturally dampen and forget "I". As we practice this more and more, we'll dampen the ego and gain joy from helping others.
Concluding Thoughts
When was the last time others made you angry, upset, or unhappy? How might you dampen your ego next time?
Weekly Wisdom #298
Comments