I don’t have shoes. He doesn’t have feet.

Peter has known his friend Albert for many years. One day, Albert told him an unforgettable story. He said:

I used to be the type of person who always complained about everything, so I was never happy. But during the Spring of 1934 when I was walking along Dove Street in the village of Westbury, I saw something that eliminated all my negativity. This event lasted less than 10 seconds, but I learned more in those 10 seconds than in my past 10 years.

You see, I had opened a small department store in Westbury, but after 2 years, not only did it drain all my savings, it even made me accumulate debt. Ultimately, I had to close the store down.

I was walking to the bank, planning to ask for a loan, after which I would return to my hometown to find a job. I was dejected and lifeless because I had already lost my sense of confidence and willpower.

Suddenly, I saw a person without feet coming my way. He sat on a wooden board with wheels attached. Each of his hands held a wooden stick to help him move. I just happened to see him as he was crossing the street, and he just happened to glance my way, and our gaze met for a brief moment. He smiled at me and said, “Good morning! Good weather today, isn’t it?”

The sound of his voice was full of infectious joy and spirit. He didn’t seem like a disabled person at all.

When I stood there and looked at him, I thought about how fortunate I am. I have two legs, and I can walk. But compared to his self-confident gaze, I felt like I’m the disabled one. I told myself, “If he can be happy despite not having feet, there’s no reason why I can’t be happy with my two legs.”

I suddenly felt like a dark cloud had been lifted. I originally planned to borrow 100 dollars from the bank, but then I had the courage to ask for 200 dollars. I originally planned to return to my hometown and ask someone to help me find any job, but then I had the confidence to go to Kansas City and find a good job. In the end, I succeeded in getting that loan and finding a good job.

Later, I used two lines to write down this experience and put it on my bathroom mirror so that I can read it every day while I shave. The two lines are:

“I was depressed because I had no shoes…until I met someone with no legs!”

(Story Source: Harvard Family Education)

Commentary

Stoic philosopher Epictetus said,

"It isn't events themselves that disturb people, but only their judgments about them."

Another Stoic philosopher, Seneca, said,

“A man is as unhappy as he has convinced himself he is.”

In other words, events aren't inherently good or bad, but we judge them to be so, and that judgment determines our level of happiness or lack thereof. Albert was initially depressed at his circumstances, but after encountering someone responding positively to a much worse circumstance, he was inspired to view his circumstances more positively, gaining gratitude and confidence in himself. That positive outlook was key to him creating a brighter future for himself.

When we face difficult and depressing situations, we can remind ourselves that we don't have to get upset. Ultimately, we are in control of our feelings. If a person with no feet can remain positive and confident, then there's no reason we can't do the same in our circumstances. It just takes conscious effort and practice.

Recently, I accidentally spilled water over my laptop. I was quite upset because I really like my laptop. I've been using it for 7 years, and it was still going strong. If I didn't spill water on it, I believe I could easily continue using it for years. I was quite frustrated at myself for making such a dumb and costly mistake.

Getting upset in that moment is normal. But staying upset for a long time afterwards is unhelpful and harmful for my emotional health. So, rather than sinking into negative emotions, I reminded myself of Dr. Zimmerman's "positive but" strategy.

I told myself things such as:

"Although it sucks that I accidentally spilled water on my laptop, BUT at least I can afford a new laptop."
"Although not having a laptop prevents me from making lesson PPTs for my teaching work, BUT I don't have to have a PPT to teach lessons. I can manage with just a blackboard. Or I can borrow someone else's laptop."
"Although not having a laptop might mean I might actually miss a week of Weekly Wisdom, BUT it's not the end of the world. I can post later and explain that my laptop broke." (In the end, I still managed to post on time)
"Although it sucks that I accidentally spilled water on my laptop, BUT I'm glad that after soaking it in rice, I can still sort of use it until my new laptop arrives."
"Although I wouldn't prefer to buy a new laptop, BUT I'm very grateful that a peer helped me find a really good deal for a second hand laptop. If my laptop had broken at a different time, I wouldn't have been able to find such a good deal on a new laptop."

Reframing my situation and focusing on the silver lining helped me stay calm, and since I was calm, I didn't rush to buy a new computer. This allowed me to have a chance encounter with a peer who then offered to help me find a great deal. By staying calm, we attract a better future. This is the usefulness of philosophy. It's free, accessible to all, and effective at helping us regulate our emotions.

We all face difficulties and setbacks in life. When this happens, are we able to regulate our negative emotions? Such an ability is a key factor to how our future will turn out.

Weekly Wisdom #336