.jpg)
When Einstein was 16 years old, he often skipped school and played with a group of troublemaker friends. As a result, he failed many classes. One weekend morning, Einstein was about to go fishing with his friends, but his father stopped him.
His father calmly said to him, “Einstein, you’re out playing all day with your friends, and you’re failing school. Your mother and I are quite concerned for your future.”
Einstein replied, “What’s there to worry about? Jack and Robert are also failing school, and they’re still going fishing.”
His father looked at him with love and concern and said, “Son, you can’t think that way. Let me tell you a well-known fable from my hometown. I hope you’ll listen carefully."
His father then told this fable:
Two cats were playing on the roof of a house. One cat grabbed the other cat and they both accidentally fell into the chimney. When they crawled out, one cat’s face was covered in ashes, while the other cat’s face was clean. The clean cat saw the other cat’s face was all black, and he thought his face was the same, so he rushed to the river to clean himself. The dirty cat saw the other cat was clean, and he thought he was also clean, so he went on with his day and strutted along the street.
Einstein, no one can be your mirror, only you can be your mirror. If we take others to be our mirror, then perhaps a genius will think he’s a fool.”
After hearing this story, Einstein felt ashamed, put down his fishing rod, and returned to his room. From then on, Einstein often reflected on himself and encouraged himself: “I don’t want to be like ordinary people. I can be extraordinary.” This is one reason why Einstein became the legend that he is.
Commentary
Jim Rohn said,
“You are the average of the five people you spend most time with.”
In other words, we should be very thoughtful and selective about who we spend our time with because we will inevitably get influenced by them. Einstein’s dad knew this, so he admonished his son to rethink his peer group.
Although his dad said “no one can be your mirror”, we have to be careful about how to interpret this statement.
The way I interpret it, it is not saying that the people we spend time with don’t reflect the type of person we are. On the contrary, the people we spend time with are a great indicator of the type of person we are. As the saying goes,
“Birds of a feather flock together.”
When Einstein was young, he spent most of his time with troublemakers, and so he also became a troublemaker. When he stopped spending time with them and started taking his studies seriously, his future changed. So I interpret Einstein’s dad’s message to be “Don’t assume you are the same as the people around you. You don’t have to follow the herd. You can be extraordinary, but you have to consciously choose to be.”
And so it is the same with each and every one of us. If we don’t want to blindly follow the herd, then we have to be clear on what we want. If we thoughtfully choose to follow the herd on certain matters, that’s fine too. The point is that we should live our lives consciously rather than drifting along mindlessly.
Another learning from this story is Einstein’s dad’s effective admonishment. When others don’t do what we want them to do, a lot of people will nag, complain, and criticize. The energy we give is the energy we’ll attract back, and those behaviors will attract defensiveness and opposition from the other person.
If the other person has lower power than us, such as our children or subordinate, then they have no choice but to obey. However, they are accumulating resentment in their heart, and if that continues, eventually they will lash back in the future.
If the other person has the same level of power as us, such as our spouse or colleague, then they will feel disrespected, and they will argue with us because they are unhappy at our disrespect towards them. In this type of argument, the matters never end. It seems like you’re going around in circles, never able to solve the problem straight on. Or new matters keep coming up before old matters are resolved. These are all signs that the deeper problem is a lack of respect. As soon as one person can respect the other person first, by apologizing and acknowledging your own faults, the conflict can be resolved.
Effective admonishment requires us to truly care for the other person’s feelings, to not be demanding or controlling, and to not be impatient for them to change. Einstein’s dad was very considerate towards Einstein, and I would guess he knew that teenagers (and all people in general) don’t like to be nagged at or told that they are wrong. That’s why he thought of a story to deliver his advice, and the advice is full of respect and positive energy. Einstein was touched by his dad’s love for him, and so he was inspired to change.
Conclusion
Who are you using as your mirror? Are you choosing your mirrors (influences) thoughtfully?
When advising or requesting others to change, are you doing it with sincere care, or are you mixing in annoyance, impatience, and blame?
Weekly Wisdom #333
Comments