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I am a big fan of good humor, and I think everyone would enjoy more laughter in their lives. I believe that good humor is respectful and does not make fun of others.
A lot jokes might be funny but disrespectful, which has subtle but negative side effects on people's minds. For example, when I was young, I remember watching SpongeBob the Movie, and there was a big scene where everyone made fun of King Neptune's baldness. As a result, my friend and I started making fun of people's baldness by re-enacting that scene. The movie makers were trying to be funny, but the side effect was us little kids learning rude behavior.
I also remember watching America's Funniest Home Videos, and a lot of those videos were of people getting hurt in "funny" ways. As a result, when I saw others get hurt in "funny" ways, my first reaction is to laugh. But that's quite rude and inhumane. If I got hurt, I'd want others to ask if I'm okay, not to laugh at me.
Once I learned philosophy, I learned that philosophers also enjoy humor, in the sense that they don't like anything too seriously. They use good humor to enjoy life and to take care of their mind. However, they wouldn't tarnish their virtues with disrespectful humor. Over the years, I kept a record of good jokes that I've encountered, and today I'd like to share 50 jokes that I think are funny, respectful, and clever. Enjoy!
General Jokes
1. Geology rocks, but geography is where it’s at.
2. What starts with a W and ends with a T. It does, I swear!
3. Last night, I accidentally superglued my thumb and finger together… but don’t worry, it will be ok. 👌
4. Did you know there is a species of antelope capable of jumping higher than the average house? This is due to its powerful hind legs, and the average house cannot jump.
5. I sent my hearing aids in for repair 3 weeks ago. I haven’t heard anything since.
6. Which is faster, hot or cold? Hot because you can catch a cold.
7. What falls but never hits the ground? The temperature.
8. What stays in the corner but can still travel around the world? A stamp.
9. What has three letters and starts with gas? A car.
10. What goes up and down but doesn’t move? Stairs
11. How many cars can you put in an empty park? Only 1. After that it’s not empty.
12. What is the longest word in the dictionary? “Smiles” because there’s a mile between each “s”.
13. Two fish are in a tank. One looks to the other and says, “Do you know how to drive this thing?”
14. What’s a forklift? Food, usually.
15. A guy walks into a lumberyard and asks for some two-by-fours. The clerk asks, “How long do you need them?” The guy answers, “A long time. We’re going to build a house.”
Puns
I personally love puns because they usually require some thinking and cleverness!
16. The past, present, and future walked into a bar. Things got a little tense.
17. Can February March? No but April May.
18. What’s a foot long and slippery? A slipper.
19. What’s the difference between Black Eyed Peas and Chick Peas? Black Eyed Peas can sing us a song. Chick Peas can hummus one.
20. Not all math puns are terrible. Just sum.
21. Who built King Arthur’s round table? Sir Cumference.
22. 70% of the earth is water, and virtually none of it is carbonated. So the earth is, in fact, flat.
23. Did you hear that Larry got a new job working for Old Macdonald’s? He’s the new CIEIO.
24. Why is a swordfish’s nose 11 inches long? Because if it were 12 inches, it would be a foot.
25. Boss: How good are you at PowerPoint? Me: I Excel at it. Boss: Was that a Microsoft Office pun? Me: Word.
26. Learn to spell… AutoCorrect isn’t always write.
27. Isn’t the Grand Canyon just gorges?
28. How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh out loud? Ten-tickles.
29. Why did the Swedish navy start putty barcodes on their ships? So they can scan the navy in (Scandinavian).
30. Where do cows go for entertainment? The moo-vies.
31. What do you call a pile of cats? A Meowtain.
32. What’s the biggest moth in the world? A mammoth.
33. What’s worse than raining cats and dogs? Hailing taxis.
34. What type of music do rabbits like best? Hip-hop.
35. What kind of tree can you hold in one hand? A palm tree.
36. How does a cucumber become a pickle? It goes through a jarring process.
37. What did the spider do on the computer? She made a website.
38. What’s the loudest pet you can get? A trumpet. .
39. What do you call a dog that can do magic? A labracadabrador
40. What is a wizard’s favorite school subject? Spelling.
41. What happened to the wooden car with wooden wheels and a wooden engine? It wooden go!
42. What do you give a sick lemon? Lemon aid.
43. Why are elevator jokes the best? Because they work on so many levels.
44. I like jokes about stationery, but rulers are where I draw the line.
45. How much did the shopkeeper sell dead batteries for? Nothing, they were free of charge.
46. What room has no walls? A mushroom
47. What did the mother green tea say to the baby green tea? I love you so matcha.
48. What makes music on your head? A headband.
49. What do biologists wear to work on Casual Friday? Genes.
50. What did the monk master to his students as he was leaving? Have a Buddhaful day.
That's all for now. If you have jokes that you'd like to share, I'd love to hear them! I a-peach-iate you, you're berry special, and I hope you avo nice day ahead!
Weekly Wisdom Newsletter #202
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